Falling
by Alex Hogan
It was THE phone call. Jonathan knew it would come one day, although he didn't
realise that until it did. He felt the bottom of the world disintegrate. He
tumbled into a vast emptiness with no end, and kept falling.
Aaron. He rang Aaron. It was the last person he should have rung -- his ex -- but it was immediate, instinctive; who else could he ring?
"Dieter’s in hospital. He's OD'ed."
"Go to the hospital."
Of course, it was the obvious thing to do. Jonathan gathered his coat, and his wallet. He checked the lights in the house; no need to burn excess electricity. He checked the gas stove, made sure the house wouldn't burn down. Did he need a scarf and gloves? He went to the toilet. He put deodorant on. Why? He was panicking. He didn't know what to do. Dieter had tried to kill himself. He had left town a week or so ago - disappeared, as he had done before, with no warning. He lay in some anonymous room somewhere and deliberately tried to end his life.
"I only have about a year to go, I know. I won't last much longer." Dieter had said that to him once. Was it a threat to him, to make him care more? No. He didn't think it was, it was Dieter being honest. He'd been running homeless for over five years now, on smack. His time was up. In his head ran the constant condemnation of his parents when they rejected him. Would his death atone for that?
Jonathan left the house, drove away from his neat little flat and headed off to Melbourne, to find him. It would take over an hour to get there. It was late autumn; the rain fell in light feathery showers. Once out of town the darkness of the night crowded in, and the long straight highway mesmerized him. The sky was pitch black, the headlights of on-coming vehicles swept past. He put on the CD player; lonesome, aching songs echoed into the empty cabin of the car.
Dieter had deliberately tried
to end his life. Jonathan's love had not stopped him. He wanted to die, and
nothing Jonathan had done or said over the last six months had made him want
to live. Jonathan stared into the darkness. Did Dieter not love him?