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Necessity, Mother of Invention By Anel Viz © Anel Viz 2009 Like so many other things he had patented, it was useless. Totally useless; more useless than Kafka’s odradek. He couldn’t help himself; he had to invent things. He had closets overflowing with his useless inventions. Invention was itself his Necessity. Almost every invention of his was actually two inventions. When he invented something that apparently served no purpose whatsoever, in order to patent it he had to invent a name for it. More often than not inventing a name was the hardest part. Rarely – very rarely – his lover would dream up a use for some useless piece of junk he’d dreamed up. When that happened, what they used it for bore no relation to the name he had given it. Who, for instance, would ever imagine that an object called “Rotating Sailfish 6” could provide such exquisite sexual stimulation? When he looked at it now its potential as a sex toy seemed obvious, but in no way did it resemble a sailfish, rotating, bouncing or stationary, and he could not remember what had prompted him to give it that name. “Swinging Sailfish” would have been better for marketing purposes, though it no more swung than it looked like a sailfish. In any case, while “no batteries required” on the package might have assured him hefty sales, no owner of an adult novelty store could risk displaying a box with a photograph of people using it, and the instructions that would have to accompany it would be far too complicated for the average pervert to follow. While Rotating Sailfish One through Five lay forgotten at the back of a closet, Number Six, which they fondly referred to as RS, had a place of honor in their nightstand drawer. It was one invention he was proud of, and for many reasons. After nearly two years of constant use it showed no sign of ever wearing out. On the other hand, after just one night of constant use he and his lover showed every sign of wearing out, which was not to say he had no reason to be proud of his lover and himself. On the contrary! He had patented hundreds of new inventions, but in their bedroom his lover was the inventor, though he neither had nor could patent any of the hundreds of things he had invented for them to do together – for their amusement, not out of necessity. They had, however, given them all names, and very fitting names too, though to mention them here would be as inappropriate as it would for an adult novelty store owner to put out a box showing people using RS6.
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