The London Times 24 June 2007

Sir William (Bill) Straightman has died aged seventy-nine. He achieved greatness in his life, reaching the pinnacle of his chosen profession. Sir William received his knighthood from Her Majesty the Queen in 1988 for services to accountancy. He was a committed family man. He leaves his wife, Mabel, of fifty-five years, five children, nine grandchildren, and four great-grandchildren. Bill wrote the following obituary himself and insisted, in his will, that it be published in its unadulterated form.

I lived an empty life and did not achieve happiness. I lived the last fourteen years of my life in an anguished state of deep regret, which I hid from my family. In death, I hope finally to be honest.

I was an only child and grew up in a privileged family, wanting for nothing. I attended Eton School and Kings College Cambridge, where I graduated with First Class Honours. At school, I excelled in sport, representing the first fifteen in rugby and captaining the first eleven at cricket. I went on to be capped for the Combined Universities and played in seven first class fixtures where I scored 653 runs at 109 with a top score of 243 not out against Leicestershire at Grace Road in 1950. I hated sport. I only played so that I could share the changing rooms with a group of naked men.

At school, I regret to say that I was in the group that taunted and bullied those boys whom we suspected of being homosexual. They didn’t have to be openly gay. If they weren’t good at sports, were quiet and shy, or just didn’t fit in we made them suffer horrendously. It pains me deeply that one boy, whom I won’t name, committed suicide as a result of his treatment. His death haunted me all of my life.

At University, I envied the group of openly queer students, while taking every opportunity to publicly vilify their behaviour and lifestyle. I managed to avoid girlfriends, citing my workload and sporting commitments, although women chased me incessantly because of my rugged good looks. Inevitably, though the word gaydar had not been invented in those days, I was propositioned by many young men. I regret not giving in to the temptation. I regret even more the retribution that I and my so-called friends brought down on them. It is only because the law turned a blind eye to such attacks that I avoided family dishonour and prison.

My family arranged my marriage. I deeply regret that I subjected Mabel to a loveless and almost sexless life. It is a wonder to me that we had five children. My children brought me the only joy in my life and yet I suffer because I could never be completely honest with them.

My business career, while immensely successful, was the most dreadful bore. If only, I’d had the courage to be adventurous and do what I wanted. I wanted to be an artist, but my parents and later my wife actively discouraged me from pursuing my interest. If only I’d had the courage to admit my sexuality and pursue the chance for love. Only once did I succumb to temptation and visit a London beat. For the only time in my life, I enjoyed the marvellous experience of a male member in my mouth (he was a Member of Parliament). Fortunately, the policeman who arrested us recognised him and let us off with a stern warning. I was too afraid to transgress again.

In my dotage, I had unlimited leisure time to review my life. I now understand that one does not die regretting what one has done, only what one has not done. I have lived a life without love, without ever knowing how it feels to hold a lover in my arms. Please forgive an old man his vulgarity, but all of the success in the world is not worth a pinch of shit without love. Please learn from my mistake. Be proud of who you are; chase your dreams; and, if you are that way inclined, chase your men.

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