I cannot remember having
ever slept in a bed as narrow, narrower than a twin,
like the metal shelf attached to the wall of a cell, a hospital gurney, a
slab in the morgue. I have been given massages on tables wider than this.
I have sometimes slept on the sofa, but sofas have backs for support, and
seats that slant toward them. This bed stands away from the wall; I could
roll off on either side.
It has been my bed for over
a week now, and will be for almost three more.
I saw pictures of the timeshare, honest, accurate photos, but did not
think to ask how wide the bed was. It has a firm mattress, and is not
uncomfortable except for its width. Lying on my back, if I place a heel
in each corner, my legs open in so slight an angle that my genitals lie on
my thighs - and I am not a corpulent man. If I open them wider and bend
my knees over the edge with my feet touching the floor - I can do this
easily, though my joints are not as flexible as they used to be - then my
penis and scrotum come to rest on the mattress.
I do this to stretch my muscles.
The cramps in my legs wake me in the
middle of the night. Rubbing them doesn’t help, only stretching. I
thought at first they were sore from long walks on the beach, but I do not
feel them in the evening, no matter how much exercise I got that day; I
only feel them at night. I conclude it is the narrowness of the bed that
causes them. I have ample space surrounding me, but my naked body feels
confined.
It is too narrow to realign
my spine by placing one foot alongside the
other knee and twisting my torso in the other direction, my arm clutching
the side of the bed. The crossed foot would slip off. Instead, I lie on
my stomach, hook both feet over the foot of the bed, and pull. Or I open
my legs wide and hug the side of the bed with my knees. This is harder to
do on my stomach, my pelvic girdle flattened below me, than on my back.
It stretches the tendons in my groin.
Lying thus, in this most
vulnerable of positions, I think of how it would
feel with a pillow under my hips and someone’s weight pressing down on
me. Not someone’s - his. My sex hardens, and just behind
it a familiar warmth stirs inside. Or I imagine coming into the room and
seeing him here in my place, waiting for me. We have yet to take a long
vacation together.
Could we both fit in this
bed and sleep together as a couple? We have
comfortably shared a twin many times. Perhaps lying pressed against each
other would provide support, like the back of a sofa.